"'Does he have it?' Is that what' they're singing? (pause) Why have I been singing 'Monkey hatchet'?"
"Is that the biggest popcorn ya got? That bucket?"
"If we were your kids, we'd punish ourselves!"
"Gee Porky, you sure know how to make a sandwich!"
"That's not sand. That's kitty litter."
"I see your drinking 1% milk. Is that 'cause you think you're fat? 'Cause you're not. You could be drinking whole if you wanted."
"Pebble. There's a pebble there. Somebody should put up some orange cones..."
"Awww, she tripped. No, wait. She's running. No, she's slowing down. She stopped. She tripped. Yep, she tripped. You tripped!"
"And the waitress said, 'I have a problem with procrastination too.' And I said, 'Really? Get my sandwich.'"
"So I put my face in my backpack like this, and I just went (screams into backpack)."
"I'm sick of all the haters."
"I can't give you for $30. I give you for $30, tomorrow I close down!"
"Is your hot pocket cold in the middle?"
"It's frozen, but it can be served boiling lava hot."
I am beyond thankful for laughter. It's pretty much my favorite. These are just a few samples my friends and I quote and they always make me laugh. Spread the joy.
A loss
14 years ago
3 comments:
Ummm. This is beyond great. Just today--actually just about a half hour ago...I was quoting your first quote "Does she have it. Is that what they have been saying, does she have it? Why have I been singing monkey hatchet? How many people have heard me say monkey hatchet?" Oh, how I love Ellen.
ps- Merry Christmas!
are you friends with jeff gaffigan...or do your friends just quote him ;-)
Lauren, YES! I have love it!
And Julia... if you mean Jim Gaffigan, then yes, in my mind, we're friends. But mainly, we quote him :)
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